I want to retire.

This is how I felt ALL day (at work)..

source

I've been in such a weird mood lately.

I hope I get out of this funk soon! 4 days until my Birthday!

How to WHAT?!!

I have to post this because I think it's darn right hilarious. And you can't tell me you never have had these thoughts! Come on!

I have a confession: I will not poo in a public restroom. I will wait until I'm home or in a private restroom. This may lead to some problems when I'm older....

***Warning: Gross content

HOW TO POO WHILE AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as
we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For
those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a
dump at work.


CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know
where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has
left your pants.

FLY BY : The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and
check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE : - A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.


JAILBREAK : - When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine
gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH : - The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo
hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up
the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME : - Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of
the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER : - A colleague who poos at work and is damn
proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around
theoffice for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) : - A group of co-workers who band
together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This
group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers,
and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS : - A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the
bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR : - Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH : - A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when
used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE : - A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the
stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so
the pooer can poo in peace.

WATERMELON : - A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELETTE : - A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try
using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED : - A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as
you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you
as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Early Birthday present!

My early birthday present arrived today! It was ordered from JustJen.com-not only is this the world's cutest shirt...but it came from a great named website

It came in this cute pink bag...

Ta-Da...
(notice the tag..it says Just Jen!)

Mike did not want it to have his name last...because he thinks of Mrs. B as his Mom. And we don't want him looking at me while thinking of his Mom! So..the next best thing was Mrs. Mikey B. This is the nickname name ALL his friends call him. It fits perfectly! He says I have to wear it every day until we get married. Silly boy!

Decor ideas

I really want to incorporate a 'vintage' style centerpiece for the guest tables. And I've been browsing around and I've found a few things. I'm mainly posting this so I don't forget..but to also get some opinions! So, please give me your input!

The following items are from this source.
I love them all. And I am the most indecisive person I know. So..this will take a long time! But you're input will help a lot! I won't give you my final decision as I want to keep some things a secret. But I love to share findings with you all!

Note: I have given up on the floral centerpieces. Flowers die...and they are so expensive.

Our first dance

9 Months to go!

We have 9 months left! It's still a super long time to wait..but time is ticking! I think the first couple months were the most stressful because I found out EVERYONE wants to get married May 2009...and everything booked up fast!

Here is what we have so far:
Ceremony Location (church)
Our Officiant (Finally!)
Reception Location
DJ
My wedding dress
The bridesmaid dresses

All I'm worried about now is the photographer. We have an appointment at this place on Saturday. And my good friend Bella loved them..so we have our fingers crossed!

The rest is smooth sailing until about January. That is when we start finalizing the menu, the flowers, dress alteration..etc.....

Everything about planning has been fun so far. Even throughout all the stress of finding a priest. It's going to be worth it in the end! We look forward to putting all the little pieces together until January! Mike has been so great about helping me and putting in his opinions. I'm so grateful for that.

I'll keep you posted!

Timeless Stamps

I stumbled across this new stamp.

I can't wait to buy them! They will go perfectly with my 'vintage' theme! My Gram's will be equally as thrilled as Frank is one of her favs!

Cpl. Nate is home!

After our meeting with Fr. Bart he drove us to Midway to see Nate off the plane! He was flying in from San Diego, CA. He just finished his deployment. He was in Japan, Hawaii, Thailand and more countries I just can't remember right now..ha! We all haven't seen Nate is over a year! It is so nice to have him back home. He will be here for 23 days.

Nate and I have been really close since he was born. We are only 4 years apart and growing up we were inseparable. If I could I would make him my Best Man. But since Mike and I have been together he has been in the Marines and they haven't had a chance to really get close....Except the time right after boot camp..Mike and I got him so drunk..he got REALLY REALLY sick..OoOPS!

We are hoping to party with him while he is town...and see him as much as possible. He has 1 year left with the Marines, and he promises us he is not going to reenlist. That is such a relief!

Welcome home Cpl. Nate!!! We missed you!

He said yes!

This is a follow up to my Sacrifices? post.

Saturday we had our follow-up meeting with Uncle Fr. Bart at St. John Cantius to find out if he was going to agree to marry us. I was overloaded with emotions. I was nervous, sad, mad, confused.. But as we met in Fr. Bart's (beautiful) office...I started to feel at ease. He asked us if we thought about the situation (and we had VERY much). He told us that it was 'homework' or a 'test'. He wanted us to make an important decision (living separately) as we would have important decisions like this after we were married. He also wanted us to experience our families giving their '2 cents' and having to come up with a decision that WE agreed on, not what other people wanted us to do. There were a few factors to why we couldn't (and wouldn't) move out. The 2 biggest reasons were money issues and how Mike doesn't have his drivers license. Fr. Bart realized it wasn't that we want to live together to have a 'trail marriage' as that is what he thought originally. He has agreed to perform our Sacrament of Marriage. I say Sacrament because that is truly what it will be. He also reminded us of the rules of a Catholic Marriage...1. Divorce is NOT an option 2. Conceiving a child 3.No adultery. We couldn't agree more.

He asked us what we thought the first problem we will run into as a married couple. I thought financial issues. But I was wrong. It is Freedom. He gave us examples like maybe Mike goes out every Friday night with the guys to play pool and now that we are married I tell him that I want us to spend time alone..What will Mike do?. I think this issue has already been resolved in the past 4 years Mike and I have been together. We are ok with each other having a 'girls/boys night out' once in a while because we know that spending time together as a couple is more enjoyable and we both trust each other. So...we have already started learning how married life will be like.

There is 1 stipulation. We have to sleep in separate rooms. And live as brother and sister as this is what God said in the Bible. Luckily, we have no problem doing this and it will most likely make our life as a married couple more exciting.

I was unsure how I would feel about this whole situation.....but I am SO relieved. A BIG weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Mike's. We have been so stressed out because finding a priest to marry us IS the most important thing..So, we can continue our planning! Yippee! Next, we must find a ceremony musician, and luckily we have a family friend who has 20+ years experience...

Also, our last 2 meetings have been part of our Pre-Cana (pre-martial counseling). We only have 3 hours to go! We meet with Fr. Bart again in October so he can meet Mike's parents and ask them questions under oath. Since, Fr. Bart is my Uncle/Godfather he will be my witness and doesn't need my parents present. Yippee for me!

My 1st Wedding nightmare

Oh my gosh! This morning I woke up in a hot mess! I was all sweaty and in tears!

All I remember is Mike and I were really busy the month before the wedding. Going to various places..the florist, the Squire..etc. We happened to drive out to Green Bay, WI. to visit my Aunt Karen (who we RARELY see) at some Tux store. We just browsed around...like it was nothing. But then on the way back I realized it was May 1....a day before the wedding. I had left the Tux information with Mike to give to the guys...but he NEVER gave them the info. All of a sudden the highway turned into big hills..and every time we went over one we flew into the air. (Crazy? Yes, I know!) We were struggling to keep the car straight and make phone calls to all the guys asking them to go to ANY tux place to get fitted and rent a tux..ANY tux! But no one was answering their phones, they were all busy...or the ones who did answer had no car or no money. I remember getting to a stop light and just crying...thinking that our wedding was gonna be a HUGE catastrophe.

Then I woke up. In a panic. The dream was so intense and so real.

A few weeks ago Mike has a Wedding nightmare too, and I joked that it's the bride who is suppose to have these nightmares...not the groom. Ha! This is what I get for teasing him!

Note to self: Select tuxes 4 months BEFORE the wedding.