July 13, 2008


Sometime last week I learned that Fr. Bart (my uncle whom I asked to marry us) might not be able to marry us. Why? Because we live together. And in ancient Catholic teachings living together is forbidden. This upsets me because so many Catholic couples get married everyday that have lived together. Because modern day teaching are more lenient. As long as the couple follows in God's way...then living together is not an issue. So, why is Fr. Bart stuck in ancient times?

We met with Fr. Bart Saturday morning. He asked us lots of questions like, how we met, how long we have been together, why we love each other, what problems we have faced... And he told us the meaning/rules of a Catholic marriage.
1. Divorce is not an option
2. No adultery in any form. No flirting, nothing.
3. Dominion over each others bodies. 2 become 1. For example..If I get mad at Mike for not cleaning the dishes I can't hold out on sex. We have control over each others bodies and cannot restrict each other for any reason.
4. Must have children. And must be able to conceive. No form of birth control can be used.
5. Finances become one. And we have to talk to each other about big finances, etc.

Then he started talking about sacrifices. And marriage is all about making sacrifices for one another. He gave us examples like; your son Billy needs to go to soccer practice and I want to go get my nails done and Mike wants to work on the car with my Dad. One of us has to make the sacrifice and pick up Billy. (My thought on that was....DUH.) But I know what he was trying to get at. He was implying that one of us needs to suck it up (OR make a sacrifice) and move out so we are able to get married by Fr. Bart. He went on and on about sacrifices. I started making arguments about how its almost impossible for Mike to separate. Mike doesn't have a drivers license, so am his ride to work and every where else he needs to go. And how Grandma and I would absolutely kill each other (without a doubt) if I moved back in with her. I mentioned that we could sleep in separate rooms until the wedding. His response was temptation will be lurking 24/7 and that was not an option. Then Mike mentioned to me....that what if he goes and lives with him Mom until the wedding. Right then I wanted to SCREAM.

See the point is I don't think it is right for him or for anyone else to force us to live apart. What's done is done. We already lived together for 3 years. You can't undo the past. And if Mike and I want to have sex if he moves out...we will find a way. So..honestly what is the point?! If I make a promise to God that I will abstain from sex until the marriage...then whats the big deal. It's my soul that will be going to hell. Not Fr. Bart's. Another question I have is Why do other priests not have a problem marrying couples who are living together? I think this whole thing is ridiculous. And its heartbreaking to think my uncle/God-father might not marry me and Mike.

Fr. Bart wants to think about this for the next couple weeks, he has not made a decision yet. And he told us to think about sacrifices. And call him in 2 weeks to set up another appointment.

I want to scream. Seriously. Fucking scream. I have made plenty of sacrifices over the last 4 years with Mike. I see this more of an inconvenience. Not a sacrifice. And even if he does move out, I promise you he will be staying here more than at his mom's. So, again...what is the point?!

I am going to think this over. But I also know I'm going to get another opinion from a different priest. The pastor from the church we are getting married at. Fr. Bart did ask me to talk to another priest for 'guidance'. And guidance it will be.


Bella said...

Bummer! I really feel for you guys. I say stick with your wits and what you want to do. Don't let this be a damper in your happiness and a time when you should be rejoicing and completely and utterly happy. Find someone who will fulfill what this time should be, even if it has to be someone different than you hoped it would be. You have to make you happy. I'm stopping now...