Slim to None

Hi there... our wedding is just days away..and I wanted to let you all know my postings may become slim to none. I wish I could post and let you know how everything is going but realistically I have NO time!

Today I am...
Dropping off my veil to get steamed
Dropping off final payment to our Florist
Packing for California
Packing for our wedding night
Getting our rings cleaned

Thursday we are...
Taking everything to our reception venue and showing them how to set up
Taking my Dad and Mike to pick up their tuxes
Picking up my dress :)
Preparing for rehearsal

Friday I am...
Relaxing and getting a manicure and pedicure with my mom and a of the few girls
Rehearsal
Dinner
Back to hotel to relax!!!

Saturday we are..... GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe these days are finally here. It's so surreal but all so very exciting!!

See you on the other side!!
OXOX

Pre-Cana with Uncle Fr. Bart

I've been an extremely bad blogger. I apologize to you all. It's been a hectic 2 weeks. I've had Pre-Cana, my shower, mini-bachelorette party, designing/editing my programs, thank you cards, exchanging/returning items...We have been running non-stop.

I am finally sitting and taking a break from all this craziness. (And when I say crazy...I mean it in a good way)

Pre-Cana is way better than I expected. We actually had fun-and gained a lot. Mentally and spiritually. My uncle Fr. Bart is our officiant and he was our teacher for part of the day. I have to admit he is a wonderful teacher. He keeps you wanting more and really sends out a great message.

Here are a few key elements we touched on..

The Goods Of Marriage:

• Partnership/Union-a mutual understanding of the whole life:spirit, mind, body and affections.
• Permanence: Marriage lasts for as long as the couple lives. The marriage is indissoluble.
• Fidelity: Living out life-long promise to give yourself only to your spouse.
• Procreation: Willingness to cooperate with God in creating new life.
• Self-donation and Self-sacrifice

10 Dynamics that can threaten a marriage:

• Clinging to single life patterns
• Avoiding the serious issues
• Dropping church attendance
• Ambiguity about children
• Coming of the first child
• Placing your career first
• Ignoring alcohol and drug abuse
• Copntrolling influence of parents
• Negative effects of contraception
  
• Ignoring that not-right feeling

We also had a lecture on the Billings Ovulation Method. Which we will definitely be taking a more indepth class on. Birth Control can really be dangerous; causing it extremely hard to conceive and even the possibility of becoming sterile. It also can cause mood swings, anxiety and depression. I highly recommend check this out.

At the end of class we headed into church for a little 'surprise'. We got to attend an engagement blessing. We went up to the altar-read our engagement vows, signed a certificate and had my engagement ring blessed.

It was truly an amazing day.

It WILL change.

When we met with Fr. Bart a month or so ago...something he said has made me think a lot lately. He asked "What will change once we are married since we are living together?" I answered it like this..."Everything. We will be married not just 2 people living together...we will have babies, and depend on each other for a life time." But now that I keep thinking about it...it's frustrating to me. Why does he think just because we are cohabiting that nothing will change?! That enrages me.

We aren't getting married for good health benefits or a good tax break. And yes we are living together because we are helping each other out. Mike needs transportation, and we both are saving money. (and because I just can't live without him..) We are getting married because this is the next step in our relationship. We are ready to take the plunge to that life long commitment, to make a covenant to God that we will love each other unconditionally. Our public declaration of Mr. and Mrs. of our commitment together. We want to have children....which takes things to a whole new level. To us everything is going to change. And I can't wait!

Marriage is very important to me. My parents were divorced when I was at a very young age. I didn't have the best emotional childhood. The divorce itself never affected me. But the things that came from the divorce did. I lived with Grandparents stuck in the 1950's and a over protective Father. And everyone hated my Mother. I had to listen to my whole family degrading my Mother and even physically fighting with her. This hurt me...no words can describe how badly. My Mom may have done a few horrible things, but it gave no right for anyone to place judgment upon her and had no right talking so horribly about her to me. I should have grown up hating my Mom. But I didn't. I defended her every chance I got. They all said I would be just like her....so another words degrading me..in their own sick way. I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep. I'm over it. Things have changed. As I grew older they realized I was a pretty smart cookie. My Dad and I have become very close over the last few years, and I am grateful. My Grandma and I finally get along....and me and the rest of my family are even closer. I am so glad. And relieved. I never would imagined that we would. And that's a sad thought.

My point is...I will NEVER get divorced. I don't want my children going through what I went through. No I wasn't beaten or molested..or anything like that. But I grew up having a HORRIBLE self-esteem. Which I still struggle with today. I grew up with my own beliefs and my own opinions. Which I am so thankful for. I vowed to myself I would never marry someone that I wasn't completely 100% in love with. And whom I didn't completely trust 100%. I also saw how bad my Mom hurt my Dad. He never said anything, but I could just tell. I saw it in his eyes....sometimes they way he walked and talked. He never remarried. He always said he didn't need anyone else....I was the most important person in his life. Yes. My Dad is the greatest person I know. I love him dearly. It saddens me that he had to hurt so badly and for so long. He is ok now...but it took a long time. But it also makes me happy to give him a 'new' son. And new addition to our family...and I know he is happy too. Even if he jokes that Mike is taking his little girl away...

Everything will change once we say our vows and say 'I do'. And I am (im)patiently waiting. We are so very excited to take this huge step as husband and wife.

How was that for an answer Fr. Bart??


PS. Sorry for such a long post. I told you I like to ramble sometimes....!

Sacrifices?

Sometime last week I learned that Fr. Bart (my uncle whom I asked to marry us) might not be able to marry us. Why? Because we live together. And in ancient Catholic teachings living together is forbidden. This upsets me because so many Catholic couples get married everyday that have lived together. Because modern day teaching are more lenient. As long as the couple follows in God's way...then living together is not an issue. So, why is Fr. Bart stuck in ancient times?

We met with Fr. Bart Saturday morning. He asked us lots of questions like, how we met, how long we have been together, why we love each other, what problems we have faced... And he told us the meaning/rules of a Catholic marriage.
1. Divorce is not an option
2. No adultery in any form. No flirting, nothing.
3. Dominion over each others bodies. 2 become 1. For example..If I get mad at Mike for not cleaning the dishes I can't hold out on sex. We have control over each others bodies and cannot restrict each other for any reason.
4. Must have children. And must be able to conceive. No form of birth control can be used.
5. Finances become one. And we have to talk to each other about big finances, etc.

Then he started talking about sacrifices. And marriage is all about making sacrifices for one another. He gave us examples like; your son Billy needs to go to soccer practice and I want to go get my nails done and Mike wants to work on the car with my Dad. One of us has to make the sacrifice and pick up Billy. (My thought on that was....DUH.) But I know what he was trying to get at. He was implying that one of us needs to suck it up (OR make a sacrifice) and move out so we are able to get married by Fr. Bart. He went on and on about sacrifices. I started making arguments about how its almost impossible for Mike to separate. Mike doesn't have a drivers license, so am his ride to work and every where else he needs to go. And how Grandma and I would absolutely kill each other (without a doubt) if I moved back in with her. I mentioned that we could sleep in separate rooms until the wedding. His response was temptation will be lurking 24/7 and that was not an option. Then Mike mentioned to me....that what if he goes and lives with him Mom until the wedding. Right then I wanted to SCREAM.

See the point is I don't think it is right for him or for anyone else to force us to live apart. What's done is done. We already lived together for 3 years. You can't undo the past. And if Mike and I want to have sex if he moves out...we will find a way. So..honestly what is the point?! If I make a promise to God that I will abstain from sex until the marriage...then whats the big deal. It's my soul that will be going to hell. Not Fr. Bart's. Another question I have is Why do other priests not have a problem marrying couples who are living together? I think this whole thing is ridiculous. And its heartbreaking to think my uncle/God-father might not marry me and Mike.

Fr. Bart wants to think about this for the next couple weeks, he has not made a decision yet. And he told us to think about sacrifices. And call him in 2 weeks to set up another appointment.

I want to scream. Seriously. Fucking scream. I have made plenty of sacrifices over the last 4 years with Mike. I see this more of an inconvenience. Not a sacrifice. And even if he does move out, I promise you he will be staying here more than at his mom's. So, again...what is the point?!

I am going to think this over. But I also know I'm going to get another opinion from a different priest. The pastor from the church we are getting married at. Fr. Bart did ask me to talk to another priest for 'guidance'. And guidance it will be.